Life’s seasons get different. Different can be fun and exciting, challenging and new. But it can also be scary. I love adventure, but not necessarily when it involves a lot of unexpected hardships and heartache. A new season had brought subtle changes – my oldest daughter became a teenager, our family business began growing into a new season, relationships shifted and there came a deep sense of needing to slow down in our home to navigate our relationships well. In the midst of this shifting season, all of my usual fallbacks and autopilots didn’t work anymore. My daily got hard because I was still trying to fit the flow of a square peg into a circle day. I felt frazzled and the daily belief that I wasn’t doing anything well crept in and the courage to believe in myself began to flee. Trying to accomplish what I would have considered a successful day had become impossible and I became untethered. I was questioning my worth & God’s promises. All the things I thought I had to be and do were just out of my reach and I no longer had the energy to strive for any of it. I felt like a failure.
In the midst of new seasons of motherhood, marriage, relationships and business, all of the brave I could muster on my own had slipped through my fingers leaving me feeling exposed and uncertain. Even the answers I had rehearsed for years about God were beginning to shake and I became so confused about what I had talked myself into believing and what was really Truth. God’s Truth. The Truth I knew if I could just find, I could cling to. But I had to unlearn and relearn some things first. The first being what brave looks like when it’s small, but it’s certain and it’s true. I had to rediscover my brave because my brave doesn’t look like it used to.
Part of my brave is admitting that I am a recovering know it all.
Brave enough to give hugs instead of advice.
Brave enough to practice the sweetness of grace instead of strife.
Brave enough to relax, enjoy and let there be permission to breathe.